Shit We Wish We Could Sell You For Christmas

We’ve been kicking ass with content that feels authentic to who we are: loud, provocative, badass women with a unique aesthetic and a hot take. The next level would be to have some dope merch to sell you guys, but alas, we’re two creatives with student loan debt in Brooklyn ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Here’s a list of our dream products to sell you, and if you’re feeling generous this holiday season, click on all the links to dip some cash in our venmo.

Witchy Serums

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Beyonce’s Breast Milk

Natural milk proteins centrifuged with one powerful drop of Beyonce’s actual breast milk in each bottle nourish and energize the skin, and hell, your entire psyche. Apply Beyonce’s Breast Milk before going to sleep at night and wake up ready to sink a police car and take down the patriarchy. Consume small doses to regain strength when catalyzing feminist movements and advocating for the rights of Black + Brown folx.

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Tears

Complete with natural skin-brightening, blemish-clearing ingredients, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Tears will give you the gift of entitlement and confidence to take up as much space as possible. Let this serum empower you to start empires, but not enough to take credit for some shit brown people invented, like the 10,000-year-old practice of yoga, for example. For best results, massage into skin after cleaning and lock in with a moisturizer for maximum protection.

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Ariana Grande’s BDE

A unique blend of taurine, vitamin D, gingko biloba and hairs from Ariana Grande’s ponytail combine forces to create Ariana Grande’s BDE. Added to skin, this bubblegum-scented potion restores blind optimism and faith in romance while the gingko biloba acts as a memory jogger, allowing you to remain introspective and balanced through all your first-date jitters. Is he your soulmate or is his dick just 10” long and y’all have sexual chemistry? A couple of drops of this serum will reveal the truth, boo.

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Rihanna’s Bong Water

CBD, mint and caffeine exposed to the rays of a full moon and infused with Rihanna’s pheromones come together into one powerful concoction: Rihanna’s Bong Water. Apply to skin for a guaranteed no-fucks-given good time, heightened sex appeal and iconic creative prowess. Consumed by mouth… well, tbh, we can no longer guarantee safety but you and your friends will have a good time a la Bitch Better Have My Money.

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2GIRLS1COVEN’s Witchy Serums

$75 for 1, $280 for complete set

Assorted Weed-Infused Macarons

Mint Macarons with Dark Chocolate Cannabutter Filling


The pinkies-up remix on our favorite Girl Scout Cookie. Durban Poison’s earthy notes blend in well with decadent dark chocolate, and the mint meringue leaves a lively herbal note on the palette. A light dose of Durban Poison kicks you in the pants with a boost of energy.

$25 for 4, $48 for 8


A relaxed, euphoric, clear-headed high brought to you by OG Kush, whose woody flavors blend in well with dark chocolate. A light dose of OG Kush in this macaron leaves long-lasting (dependent on tolerance) muscle relaxation and anxiety relief.

$25 for 4, $48 for 8

Matcha Macarons with Lemon Cannabutter Buttercream Filling


Sharp lemon buttercream leaves the 10mg of Lemon Haze practically undetectable on the palette. Dip into your matcha latte for that extra kick of flavor, and get ready to bring on the giggles — this strain is known to bring long-lasting giddiness and happiness in edible form.

$25 for 4, $48 for 8


If you’re not smoking a little indica before your nightly self-pleasure, you’re missing the goddamn boat. 2G1C recommends this Paris OG macaron with powerful relaxation effects that amplify tingles of pleasure. Eat before going to bed with your lil’ electric toy and wake up feeling energized.

$25 for 4, $48 for 8

Pistachio Macarons with Pistachio Cannabutter Buttercream Filling


2G1C are obsessed with pistachio — none of that artificial green flavoring, though. Sour Diesel’s pungent notes gives our pistachio macaron a good punch, leaving you feeling blissful enough to burst into your favorite songs from the Moana soundtrack in the middle of the street.

$25 for 4, $48 for 8


Your sweet tooth will thank us for the natural sweetness of Cookies Kush and the complexity of pistachio, brought to you by this indica macaron. Cookies Kush hits hard upfront, but makes you so happy and euphoric that you find yourself cackling while watching Mad Men.

$25 for 4, $48 for 8

Ginger Macarons with Key Lime Cannabutter Buttercream Filling


An ode to an American Classic, this key lime pie-inspired macaron with 25mg of Harlequin is perfect for heavyweights. With a high CBD to THC ratio, Harlequin is credited for providing unbelievable pain relief and mood elevation.

$25 for 4, $48 for 8


Citrus-packed Chernobyl adds so much punch to the Key Lime Cannabutter Buttercream Filling in this macaron. 25mg of Chernobyl delivers long-lasting cerebral effects that will give your year-end soul search extra clarity.

$25 for 4, $48 for 8


Is there any other way to drink out of solo cups?

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