We at 2GIRLS1COVEN take Friendsgiving contributions very seriously. We didn’t just slave away in the kitchen all day, making this turducken, for you to bring a stale bag of Cheetos to the party. We expect some incredibly satisfactory, high-quality (but not necessarily high price tag) treats — if you’re lucky enough to be invited to our Stoner Friendsgiving.
Either way, we put together a list of suggestions for you to make or pick up along the way, in case you run out of time. Here are our 2018 picks for Stoner Friendsgiving:
Decadent Vegan Brownies from Chez Alex
Leave it to a quaint neighborhood cafe in a gentrified neighborhood to make some of the best vegan treats that are supremely tasty even when you’re not stoned. The whole party will be buzzing over these ooey gooey squares of heaven, including your annoying lactose-intolerant friends.
Cosmic Brownies by Little Debbie
Let’s face it, the chances of you getting to Chez Alex on time before it closes on Thanksgiving are slim to none, but it’s alright because the Cosmic Brownies at the bodega will be on-call for the night.
Dorito-Crusted Chicken Fingers
(Recipe by Spend with Pennies) You don’t want to upstage the Turducken, but you know that those late-night, post-hot-toddy-and-blunt munchies are going to hit hard. Stay on budget and come in clutch by bringing chicken fingers crusted with nacho-cheese-flavored Doritos. (Please don’t trip and tell us you think Cool Ranch would be better for this recipe… what’s better than a cheesy chicken finger?)
Truffleist Burger topped with truffles and fried burrata
Year after year, you’re that one friend that shows up with the lamest Friendsgiving offering, but 2018 is YOUR. GODDAMN. YEAR. You’ve finally thank-u-nexted your toxic ex and want to show your friends all the gratitude in the world for staying by your side through the Pete-Davidson-sized drama. Call The Truffleist ahead of time and pick up a few of these bad boys for $35 a pop and surprise everyone with it a few bong rips in. Slam dunk.
McDonald’s Hash Browns
Look, we get it. Thanksgiving is one of the few days of the year that you get to take off work, free to just veg around and watch your cat lick her asshole in the reflection of your blackened laptop screen in between episodes of your fourth-time binge-watching Gossip Girl. This year’s contribution was supposed to be $100 worth of nuggets and fries from McDonalds c/o Uber Eats, but McDonald’s calls you and tells you they’re out of french fries for the night, but they’re going to send hash browns instead. Just go with the flow. Don’t cancel the order. Chances are most of your friends, once properly inebriated, will be pleasantly surprised by the textural complexities of a McDonald’s hash brown.
Puppy Chow/Chex Mix
You’re going to sleep all day on Thanksgiving, but not to worry! You have the basic ingredients for puppy chow in your cupboard, you decide that puppy chow would be LIT AF as a stoner snack, you throw the ingredients in the tote bag that came with your New Yorker subscription, and hail a Lyft to dinner. By the time y’all are sitting around the living room, passing around a blunt, someone would have opened the bag of Chex Mix before anyone even got the chance to whip up the puppy chow anyway.
The Poutine Taco by The Vulgar Chef
There are only two times a year when your digestive tract and poor ole rectum wholly understand why you have to wreck them with your horrible food choices: Thanksgiving and Christmas. So take full advantage by whipping up a few of these Poutine Tacos for when that weed brownie you and your homie shared starts to hit.
Same digestive tract sentiment as the recipe above, but made waaay better by TABASCO!!! There’s no better time than when you’re high to be grateful for the life-changing properties of hot sauce. Bonus points: Stop by The Heatonist in Williamsburg to put together a flight of hot sauces for everyone to test. Some of our Favorites are Queen Majesty’s Scotch Bonnet & Ginger (a mild and refreshing blend made with scotch bonnet peppers, lime juice and ginger root) and Culley’s Roasted Carolina Reaper (which packs a surprising sweetness of passionfruit and carrot in between tears of this spicy, delicious concoction).
You’re not much of a cook, but you’re the people-pleaser of the group. Rose is always the safest, most festive choice.
Weed Nugget Cake
Obviously. Would Stoner Friendsgiving be complete without a weed-infused cake carved and decorated to look like a weed nugget?